News emerging from Oxford University’s Geography Department today suggests that K holes are now being considered a geological formation.
The department’s Professor Alan Wilkes claimed that K holes are now so common in the British countryside that it was “only fair” to rate them in the same bracket as “sink holes, caves and glaciated valleys”.
“Here at Oxford we’ve made the decision to include K holes with other geological formations that appear on our syllabus,” explained the professor earlier. “Initially we’ll be offering our first year students the opportunity to study K holes in a brand new module we’re calling ‘Caning it 101’ which will be taught by a lovely young man called Lee Foss, who’s just received the university’s first honorary doctorate in the formation of K holes.”
“To put it simply K holes, like a lot of other geological formations, are caused by erosion,” continued Professor Wilkes. “While caves and sink holes are a result of water eroding different kinds of rock at various speeds, K holes are formed by people eroding bags of horse tranquiliser, which in turn erodes part of their brain, creating a cavernous void in space and time, otherwise known as a K hole.”
“Caves and other geological features have formed over hundreds of millions of years but K holes can happen in a much shorter time frame, which makes them a totally unique phenomenon,” claimed the professor. “Time is almost irrelevant for the formation of K holes, ‘red alert’ sized lines are known to momentarily bring time to a complete stand still, where millions of years can pass in just one second, allowing the holes to form almost instantaneously.”
“The university has been funding Mr. Foss’s K hole research for a number of years now and we believe that he has discovered about one and a half million holes during this time,” revealed Professor Wilkes. “Some of them even during the DJ sets he plays at his local disco.”
In related news, Thomas Cooke are set to stock their shops with tabs of acid for people looking to take short trips on a low budget.
