The massive, inflated head of self designated rap icon, Kanye West, is set to be responsible for a worldwide solar eclipse beginning at 8.45am GMT tomorrow morning 20th of March 2015.
This will be the first time since the fall of Quetzalcoatl that a human being with aspersions of being a gold-draped demi-god has had their massive head block the sun.
“Usually this happens once every couple of thousand years when a human being emerges with such regard for him or herself that it literally blocks out the sun,” explained professional astronomer Dr. Lance Truman of the University of Honolulu. “Obviously Christ did it, as well as Holy Roman Emperor Charlemagne and Genghis Khan. All of whom were famously egotistical and prominent rapper/producer/fashion icons of their particular epochs.”
The eclipse will begin at 8.45am GMT in Greenland and move counterclockwise towards the northeast, passing over Ireland and the UK – where people are being reassured that there is no cause for panic, just because Kanye West’s face is literally plastered across the sky it doesn’t mean that you have to start pretending to like him.
Kanye is reportedly delighted that he is going to have such a massive and iconic impact on world events and said that his face blocking out the sun confirms him as GOATASS – “Greatest Of All Time And Solar Space”.
“Let tomorrow’s eclipse be a message that Yeezy ain’t playing around no more, the earth and the sun ain’t messing around, the solar system respects the artistry that I’m bringing to the game,” raged Kanye, who is unable to express happiness. “Ya’ll gonna recognise, when my face blocks out that flaming orb in heaven that Kanye is GOATASS”.
Analysts claim that it was only a matter of time before Kanye’s ego mania blocked out the sun, considering his wife’s ass broke the internet, and the size of his head has been steadily increasing as more and more people are considering him someone of import as opposed to a self-obsessed, flowless producer of pop-rap music.
Viewers are advised to only view the eclipse through powerful sunglasses and not those stupid shutter shades which offer zero protection, both from looking like a wannabe trendy arse-cunt, and the permanent damage to their eyes caused by looking directly at Kanye’s conceited unsmiling face for more than a couple of seconds.
