A group of ketamine addicts attempting to celebrate bonfire night have been found in a field, confusing passers-by and dog-walkers, by sitting around an unlit pile of wood, staring cautiously at one another.
It is believed that the group, consisting of four men and two women, decided to build a bonfire and set off a few fireworks for a “bit of fun” and “something different” to the usual Saturday night antics of “getting fucked up on narcotics” but instead decided to get “bang on the ket” early doors, leaving them unable to move and almost freezing to death for five days straight.
“I thought it was some weird satanic ritual,” said twenty five year old dog walker Kerry Jones, who was responsible for saving the group. “I saw a perfectly formed bonfire yet to be set alight so hesitantly approached them praying they weren’t going to sacrifice me or some shit like that. One of the men was holding a match but doing nothing with it.”
“I thought they were frozen until I saw their eyes moving,” continued Kerry. “It was all very surreal as these people were clearly alive. It crossed my mind that they were sitting on a minefield and didn’t want to get blown to pieces by an unexploded World War two bombs so, for six hours, I didn’t move either, through fear. Eventually another dog walker came by and called an ambulance for all of us.”
Wunderground spoke with twenty one year old Mike Greely, who was in attendance of the ket-fuelled bonfire fiasco, “What a quality night that was,” he joyfully told us. “Although there was no fire to keep us warm, or fireworks to keep us entertained, the ket was enough for me. It took me to a different planet. I was literally on Mars, and believe you me, it’s red fucking hot up there. I would have taken my clothes off to cool down but my arms stopped working. I ain’t got a clue how long we were there for but I can’t wait to do it again next year.”
