Democratic People’s Republic of Korea’s Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-un, has announced that he is to change his name to Bae Money in an attempt to appeal more to the US Market.
Reports from Pyongyand indicate that Kim Jong-un is tired of being labeled a tyrant and dictator by the American media and believes the name change will be the catalyst to improving his public image stateside.
“It’s an exciting time for Kimmy,” claimed Kim Jong-un’s pen pal, TV presenter, social commentator and hardcore communist sympathiser Ryan Seacrest. “A name can make a huge difference for a celebrity. Just look at Diddy. He’s based an entire career around changing his name and he’s doing alright for himself.”
“Bae Money is a great choice too,” continued Seacrest, whose father was the first ever Westerner to have a Pokemon battle in Mansudae Assembly Hall with Kim Jong-un’s father, Kim Jong-il. “It’s so modern and on point with Western culture. I really think we could learn a lot about ‘cool’ from Kimmy, he’s already an international hair style trend setter so let’s all just give him a chance!”
Unconfirmed reports suggest that Kim Jong-un could be planning a North American tour as early as next summer if his name change has the desired effect on his image.
“KIm is really eager to make it to America next year,” claimed close friend Dennis Rodman. “Mostly, he just wants to taste all the fast food. He’s been trying to analyse the eleven herbs and spices used in KFC’s secret recipe for years now, but he just can’t get it right.”
According to sources inside the Supreme People’s Assembly, Kim Jong-un’s wife is set to be renamed Lady Kaka, his children will also be renamed as Brandon, Cairo and Jordan respectively while his official dwelling will now be known as the “Pimp Palace”.
