Party attendees across the planet have today finally admitted that “the kitchen is much better than the living room”.
The kitchen, normally reserved for having family dinners and arguments, is seen as “way more advanced than the living room” when it comes to holding a variety of parties ranging from the quaint and vaguely aspirational dinner parties of people in their late twenties, to the loud and debauched drug fests of people, also in their late twenties.
Scientists are yet to determine the exact reasoning behind the kitchen being better than the living room, but have expressed suspicions that an in-built homing mechanism from our evolutionary past may be responsible for the preference or that “it’s just one of those things”.
“It’s a weird one,” exclaimed one party goer. “You’d think the living room would be more comfortable for a party, but people always just migrate towards the kitchen.”
“The kitchen is much better,” claimed partygoer Joe Lewie. “The living room is where a party goes to die. People might fall asleep and piss on your couch, or they might drop a spliff or spill a drink, and my parents could be coming home soon. That’s a risk I just don’t want to have to take and it’s why you’ll always find me in the kitchen at parties.”
“I like to do cocaine, talk about myself and gesticulate while standing up, so the kitchen, with its large floor area and abundance of flat surfaces, lets me be the centre of attention a lot more readily than say a living room or a toilet,” he continued. “Also, it’s where the stereo or decks are usually set up.”
