In breaking news from the electronic dance music industry, a “cute as fuck” kitten video has been confirmed as a headliner for this year’s Tomorrowland Festival.
The festival, which takes place in Boom, Belgium, this July, is often seen as a lame advertisement for everything that is wrong with the music industry.
“We’re delighted to announce that we’ll have a kitten video headlining this year’s festival,” claimed Tomorrowland spokesperson Nic Chipper earlier. “It’s another perfect example of Tomorrowland pushing the boundaries of the electronic dance music industry and we’re confident that it’s going to be quite a spectacular show.”
“Of course, with this being Tomorrowland, we’re not simply going to have a video of a cute kitten headlining on our closing night,” insisted Chipper with a grin. “We’ll be broadcasting it on the world’s biggest LED screen and we’ll have giant mechanical kittens spitting fire on the stage, it’s going to be a real spectacle.”
“We’re also a music festival so, naturally, there will be a musical accompaniment to the video,” revealed the Tomorrowland employee. “We know that people who listen to EDM really love big drops so we’ve put together a three hour mix of nothing but drops to keep everyone jumping and we’ll also have a team of fifteen MCs who’ll be there to tell everyone exactly when to put their hands in the air, jump and scream.”
Andy Johnson, a Tomorrowland ticket holder, also spoke to Wunderground, “I’m really looking forward to the kitten video. I’ve been going to Tomorrowland like forever, at least the last two years, and it’s great to see something new. Most of the guys who play there are just DJs anyway, they don’t even play any instruments, so it may as well be a video and kittens are cute and stuff, I’d rather watch that than David Guetta.”
According to Wunderground sources, the kitten video is likely to be the most talented headliner to play the festival’s mainstage since it started in 2005.