A lad who was recently spotted doing yoga at a music festival is one hundred percent certain that he is better than you.
Michael O’Brien, who could be seen in various poses including Downward Facing Dog, the Bridge and Easy Plow, is believed to have performed the moves in order to let all of the other people at the festival know how great he is.
“I made sure to find a good camping spot really close to one of the public walkways,” explained Mr. O’Brien. “That way I was able to do my yoga outside my tent every morning and all the people walking by could see me.”
“There’s no point in doing yoga if there’s nobody there to see you doing it,” continued Mr. O’Brien, who learned everything he knows about yoga after buying a three week long beginners class on Groupon earlier this year. “That would just be pointless, like going to Amsterdam with your girlfriend or buying a David Guetta album.”
“Everyone walking by must have been thinking ‘what a cool guy doing yoga at a festival’ or ‘wow he’s so much better than me’ but the truth is I don’t do it to make me better than you I do it because I am better than you,” he said smugly. “Now if you’ll excuse me there’s a foie gras souffle with my name written all over it at one of the artisan food stalls.”
According to fellow festival goers, Mr. O’Brien is a “stuck up gimp” and looked like a “total rectum” while doing his early morning yoga.
“I seen that fool doing yoga outside his tent every morning,” claimed twenty six year old Alan Jennings. “What the fuck was that all about, who does yoga at a music festival? He may as well have been walking around with a big ‘I’m a cunt’ sign around his neck. The only downwards facing I do at a festival is downward on my face after drinking myself into oblivion.”
