A lad who has put a digital pocket scales on his Christmas list is secretly planning to build a drugs empire to rival that of Scarface, it has been revealed.
Nineteen year old, Sam Gjonpetri, from Middlesex, England, is said to be “determined” to live in a seventeen bedroomed castle, full of scantily clad models, shady gangster types and huge piles of cocaine, believing it all begins with a “decent weighing instrument”.
“I know I can be the next big thing in the drug scene,” he boasted confidently. “Money, guns and narcotics have always been of interest to me so this will be the platform I need to take over the London drug scene. What I’ve done is ask my parents for the best digital scales available in Argos and my Nan for some money rather than a gift.”
“If she gives me fifty quid I’m going to buy a gram of gear, chop it with a load of shit and turn it into three grams, all weighing in at point six, courtesy of my scales. That fifty will quickly be turned into one hundred and fifty notes and away I go, no looking back.”
Wunderground spoke to Sam’s mum, Sandra, with regards to her son’s strange request, “I wish he’d get a fucking girlfriend and stop being so impressionable,” she moaned. “Two years ago he wanted a load of Stone Island gear and to join a football hooligan firm. Needless to say he never went to an actual game, he just wore his new clobber while playing FIFA on his XBox, giving out verbal abuse to whoever was on the other end of the headset.”
“Last year, he asked for some boxing gloves and protein shakes, under the impression he was a heavyweight champion in the making,” she continued. He got knocked out cold in his first fight. This year, he’s been watching all of those shitty old gangster films and now thinks he knows all there is to know about the drug trade. He wouldn’t even know where to find a gram of coke, let alone sell it. I’m embarrassed for him,”
