Lad Removing Vest Claiming To Be “Too Hot” Secretly Desperate For Body Compliments
A twenty seven year old man who removed his top at a rave claiming to be “too hot” is believed to have been secretly fishing for body compliments from females, in a hope it would lead to “getting laid”.
Craig Jones, from London, England, who is known for being “obsessed” with his physical appearance, once describing himself as “more beautiful than the work of Picasso” to a potential fuck buddy on Tinder, was said to be using “every trick in the book” to get his six pack out in public.
“I know I’m outstanding, a total eleven out of ten,” confirmed Craig. “My problem is demonstrating this to people without being too obvious. I thought if I go and stand right in the middle of the dance floor, it would make me sweaty and give me reason to take my top off. That way, all the blokes can see I’m the alpha and all the girls can come at me. I’m not a bad bloke, I just want to get a few fannies twitching at the end of the day, no big deal.”
Wunderground spoke to Craig’s friend, Ollie, with regards to the constant removal of clothing, “It ain’t just raves he does it at, it’s pubs, shopping centre’s, KFC, Greggs, five-a-side football, weddings, funerals, bar mitzvahs, christenings, and even at work,” laughed Ollie. “He is so obvious. Every time a bird walks past, somehow, Craig loses his fucking t-shirt.”
“The bloke must get through clothes like the rest of us get through hot meals. He is forever removing and losing them. Fair play, his body is rascal and he pulls so many sluts but to take his top off during a poker match, in a freezing abandoned shop in the middle of winter, just because there was a female player at the table, was the final straw for me.”
“People always say if you’ve got it, flaunt it,” continued Craig. “I’m doing just that. Girls will never know of the perfection if it remains hidden will they? I might write to Top Man or All Saints’ head office to see if they can make some see-through tops. Think how perfect they’d be, keeping me warm but offering lucky people a clear view of my body.”