A young laptop DJ has reportedly played an entire set without realising that he was also playing unmuted pornography in another window on his computer without the audience even noticing.
“I was watching porn like I do before every show, just to clean the pipes and relax,” explained 26 year old Vegas based DJ Jeff Martins. “It’s a pre-show ritual that I need to do because I find that nothing really relaxes me before a show quite like masturbation.”
“With me being a thin white guy the porn I was watching naturally featured petite Asian women and large penised black men having sex in a variety of orifices. As is standard,” added Jeff. “It was one of my go-to porns that I had actually downloaded on my computer rather than streamed from a site so it was the full hour long movie.”
Jeff claims he forgot to switch off the pornography when he, in a post orgasmic daze, flipped closed the laptop lid to “clean up the man-mucus from his hand, chest and eyelid” before taking to the stage for his warm up set at Las Vegas’s XS nightclub.
“Everything that happened in the porn mixed in seamlessly,” claimed a surprised Jeff. “From the opening clunky yet huskily toned dialogue of the female bonetagonist, to the pumping sound of the pornstars bodies slapping against each other, to the manly grunts and feminine squeals as both reached orgasm.”
“No-one noticed a thing, everyone just thought it was the regular vocal samples that you’d find in any of the current ‘deep house’ tracks,” he added.
Jeff claims that in spite of his faux pas he has no plans to stop watching porn before sets and claims he “might even make an all porn squealing trance album”.
“Most trance vocals are sung by breathlessly sexualised women anyway, so I think it’ll work,” he concluded.
Club seniors can remember Corvin “The hammer” Dalek and his wet’n’hard đ