Having a life changing experience at a music festival has been deemed impossible thanks to the sheer number of music festivals rendering every festival largely identical.
“I remember going to Glastonbury in 95, saw Radiohead and got my tent flooded but also dropped my first LSD, met my wife, it was life changing,” explained Andy Weathers, a 42-year-old carpenter from Lincoln. “I also had a life changing experience at Burning Man some years later, there was magic in the air owing to the uniqueness of the experience.”
Andy claims that having a life changing experience is impossible at modern festivals because they all “have the same lineup, are poorly run or are trying to capture an inauthentic aesthetic borrowed from a pre-corporate Glastonbury”.
“I went to V Festival last year and it was barely day changing, never mind life changing,” he added. “Where before I had gushed enthusiastically about the left wing politics and Utopian ideal of the festival experience now all I was able to to do was muster up a slight bit of excitement for an artisan burger, which, even then, was massively overpriced and served to me by a pretentious man with a moustache who referred to himself unironically as a burger artist.”
Most festivals now, it has been agreed, will barely change the course of your afternoon or will only change it by keeping you stuck in traffic, overcharging you for everything and treating you poorly.
