A report from a local party happening right now claims that one of the lads is being “a little wimp” and taking his ecstasy in halves rather than “necking a full one like a boss”.
Pathetic girly man David Conner is reported to have daintily broke his ecstasy in half with his finely manicured fingers before delicately placing one half onto his tongue, something which his friends say is the behaviour of a pathetic wimp.
“You don’t like to see it happen,” claimed David’s friend Andrew, who likes to take his pills two at a time while curling his finely honed bicep as he places them into his mouth like a manly man’s man being a man. “It just casts doubt over the rest of his personality, particularly how much fun he’ll be later on in the night or if he likes to use his penis on girls.”
Despite protestations that he was taking the pills in halves so as to “make the buzz last longer” the lads have been unforgiving in their criticism of pansy David and have intimated that his actions are akin to that of a “girl or small, terrified child”.
“I gotta doubt his manliness,” continued Andrew. “The only thing redeemably manly about doing pills in halves is the tensile finger strength required to break the pills precisely in half. But other than that it’s pussy behaviour and I’ll probably have to have a big rethink about our friendship.”
The lads, as they imaginatively chose to call their group of male friends, have said that taking pills in halves is casting suspicion on how David might conduct himself in the rest of his life.
“What else? Huh? Is he going to do half a line and leave the rest til later, or just ask for a small bump?” asked an exasperated Andrew. “If you ask me, and you are, it’s the the cowards way out. It’s the behaviour of someone who is a pussy and probably drinks camomile tea while watching Sex and The City and flicking through the latest edition of Heat.”
