Eye witnesses have reported seeing a local boy go into complete meltdown believing his life was “completely fucked” having been involved in an outfit clash with another man on a night out.
Bill Camp from Kent, England, better known to his friends as Billy Whizz due to how hyperactive he becomes after indulging in sugary sweets and fizzy drinks is said to have been left “bewildered” and “highly embarrassed” after the incident occurred at his local night spot Air and Breathe.
“I couldn’t believe my luck if I’m honest” moaned Bill. “I had some Haribo Tangfastics before I left my mums and was about to have my first legal beer when I saw some prick in the same shirt as me. First the fucking government screw me over with this sugar tax bollocks and now Top Man have royally fucked me. I literally cannot trust anyone these days.”
It has been revealed that Billy was wearing the latest casual black slim-fit check shirt from the summer season range of popular high street chain Top Man, but failed to realise that one hundred per cent of men aged between twelve and twenty four also shop in Top Man so the chances were astronomically high that a clash would be on the cards.
“I went out feeling ultra-confident and ultra-sexy. For the first time in my life I didn’t need fake ID; my hair was on point and I had over fifty notes in my back burner ready to impress some birds; but the whole night was ruined.”
Billy’s friend, Lucy Bradley, offered us details on what happened “Billy came waltzing into the club like he owned the gaff but the colour literally drained from his face when he saw that other bloke” said Lucy. It was hilarious; he started having a proper little bitch fit begging to borrow his mate’s jumper, saying he needed to cover up. He eventually stormed out without having a drink. Judging by his Facebook page, he got a sad little pizza for one, went home and slagged off Top Man in a seven hundred word rant saying he will never shop at such a common place again.”
Wunderground tracked down the other man in the Top Man shirt to ask him for his version of events “Yeah I saw that kid and said nice shirt mate, then got on with my night like a normal bloke” said twenty four year old Jack Moss, who went on to win the Who Wore It Better contest which appeared online the following day.
