The epidemic of people looking for attention online has now spread to everyone on the planet warn experts who insist that by 2025 everyone will be andogynous selfie taking machines that talk about food and celebrities in a constant stream of self important non-talk.
Recent reports have indicated that thanks to the burgeoning of developing economies in places like India and Brazil there are now more people than ever being total dicks on a computer.
“Most people in China now have Facebook and they use it in exactly the same way as Western users do by taking photos of their state authorised Happy Meals between breaks from their jobs of making iPhones,” claimed one commentator.
If it’s not stopped soon then civilization as we know it will get progressively dumber, louder and more grabby until the world is one giant Big Brother house with everyone playing up to the cameras in a desperate Darwinian hell where only the most self obsessed will survive long enough to tweet about how fat Emma Watson looked or how to share that gif what they made of crying prats getting evicted from their homes.”
Some Amazonian tribes have even been reported to be taking photos of fresh kills and Instagramming them with one member of the tribe setting up a raw food blog that Gordon Ramsey has described as “mouth watering”.
“Even people who don’t have social media accounts are suffering from the online attention plague due to the fact that they’re only abstaining from having an attention seeking social media account as a way to seek attention for how unique and free thinking they are for not having a social media account.”
“Eventually everyone will exist for the sole purpose of providing a running news cycle of their own life becoming both the subject and the object of the world’s longest running and shittest documentary until they die and have their name trend for a while before the cycle move on to someone else.”
