A drunk man who became lost while wearing an “If Found Please Return To The Pub” T-shirt has revealed that he just wants to go home – contrary to what his T-shirt might say.
Paul Topping, a thirty eight year old call centre manager from London, was separated from his work colleagues in Barnstaple town centre after going out for drinks as part of a team building trip to the Devon town.
Topping claims he lost his friends after “sneaking out for a quick kebab” and “totally forgetting which pub they were in”. He explained his ordeal to Wunderground early this morning. “We’ve been here in Barnstaple building team moral since Tuesday. There’s been all sorts of fun activities going on out in the countryside and we’re supposed to be going home today so we all decided to go out on the piss last night.”
“I left the pub for a minute and couldn’t remember where I’d been, all these buildings look the same to me,” claimed Topping. “I was going around asking people if they could help me but they were just pointing at the T-shirt and shouting ‘Are you lost? You’re coming with me’ and dragging me into the nearest pub.”
“It was kind of fun at first but after about four pubs I was becoming more drunk and disoriented, I just wanted to go home,” he emotionally continued, “but I couldn’t because of this god damn T-shirt, I’d still be getting dragged into pubs now if it wasn’t for closing time. I’ve been wandering around Barnstaple drunk for the last six hours, I never thought an item of clothing could land you in such a mess.”
“The only reason I wore it was because I wanted to make a good impression on the staff. They’re all a lot younger than me and I thought that a clever slogan like that would make me look really cool and edgy,” he admitted. “But now I know that matters like being lost and drunk aren’t funny and certainly have no place being on the front of a novelty T-shirt. I’ve learned my lesson and now that I’m starting to sober up I can see how utterly stupid and dangerous T-shirts like that can be.”
Angela Pendelton, an employee at the call center managed by Mr. Topping claimed she had a “great night” especially after they managed to “ditch the creepy old guy in the lame ass T-shirt”.
In other T-Shirt related news an Irish man in New York has contracted hepatitis C after wearing a “Kiss Me I’m Irish” T-shirt to a recent One Direction concert.
