Madonna Delays Album To Decide Which Genre To Appropriate In Shameless Bid To Seem Relevant

One of Madonna’s former aides has claimed this week that the singer is postponing the recording of her latest album until she “decides which genre of music to shamelessly appropriate in a futile bid to seem relevant.”

The source, who wishes to remain nameless, claimed that the singer is terrified of people realising that she hasn’t been musically important “since the early 00s at the latest”, and is prepared to go to controversial lengths to appear groundbreaking and important to today’s young listeners.

“For her last tour she famously referenced the dance music drug MDMA despite being a grown woman and a mother with no ties whatsoever to dance music culture,” recounted the source, “She just used the name of the drug to be controversial and to try to somehow convince people that they were listening to cutting edge dance music rather than overcooked pop tripe.”

The insider further claimed that Madge has press ganged a crack team of cultural experts who will analyse which musical trends they expect to be the most popular in the coming year and whichever genre they settle on is the one that she’ll use as the main sound on her new album.

The source claimed that Madonna will stop at nothing to try to appeal to the younger generation and has set her sights on recording either an “electro-house/EDM” or “gangster rap” album for 2014, depending on which genre her analysts deem most popular with rumours of either the Swedish House Mafia or Rick Rubin set to produce.

Madonna has responded by vehemently denying the claims that she just rips off other genres and disguises it as artistic growth, “I genuinely like dubstep, electronica, hip-hop, country, pop and every other genre I’ve attempted to utilise in my music,” she asserted forcefully. “It annoys me that people think because my album is either going to be EMD or gang rap that I’m just using the genres. EMD is one of my passions and I’ve always been a big supporter of rapper music,” she claimed. “Some of my closest friends are black.”

The singer, was has been speaking in a faux British accent for the last 8 years, also denied claims that she adopted the accent in a bid to position herself as the stately first lady of pop music, “That’s just the way one has always spoken,” she said regally. “Growing up in Michigan everyone spoke in this unconvincing mongrel version of British-English.”