Despite the prevailing notion that some of the best music in history was composed by musicians off their nuts on drugs, making music while high is actually quite difficult.
Andrew Taylor, a 24-year-old ketamine-house musician from Shorditch made the claim this week after struggling all weekend to make even the most basic of tunes after deciding to take drugs to boost his creativity.
“I was struggling creatively because I’m actually not that creative a person, but I’ve bought into the late-capitalist, Apple-sponsored mentality that anyone with a Macbook and access to the internet can be an artist,” explained Andrew.
“I wanted to do whatever I could to remedy this writer’s block,” he continued, “but I did still quite enjoy telling people that I was suffering from writer’s block because it portrayed me as a mildly disaffected, struggling urban artist instead of a pampered middle class dickbag.”
Andrew claims he eventually became disillusioned with the feeling of faux-cool that he got from talking endlessly about writer’s block and decided to increase his creativity by buying into the time-honored lie of drugs making people extra creative.
Andrew claims he sat down to work at his computer with 6 beers, a fat line of ket and two pills for inspiration, but that his attempts at making beats lasted “roughly ten minutes before I just threw on a Guy Gerber mix and rolled around the bed for a while”.
“If anyone tells you that it’s somehow easier to write music while you’ve heroin dribbling off your eyeball or a nose like a snowglobe, feel free to put thumbtacks on your shoes and kick them in the dick for me,” he explained. “No wonder The Beatles broke up, making The White Album must have been fucking agonising if you’re all nurturing time consuming drug habits.”
“No wonder they split up,” he added. “It’s probably the same reason Pete Doherty hasn’t made anything worth listening to in fifteen years.”
“A total of no tunes got made that day or the subsequent hungover week of comedown, I’d have been more productive if I had have just got plenty of sleep and ate well, which isn’t very rock and roll but it’s the truth,” concluded Andrew. “Now I know that making music on drugs is actually just one of those myths that people invent to make actual creative work seem like it was done by some sort of otherworldly and inspired white bloke to increase its cultural cache so that it’ll sell for more money.”
