A man who promised he would be on his “best behaviour”, while at his girlfriend’s mum’s fiftieth birthday party, is believed to secretly have five grams of coke in his pocket and is ready to “cause fucking havoc” if things get too boring.
According to friends, twenty seven year old Lee Wallace, who has recently been the “doghouse” with his girlfriend, Kelly, having disappeared for seventy two hours straight the previous weekend, prompting missing persons reports being filed and police searches being conducted, is believed to be “lying through his teeth” when claiming he will be “good as gold” in front of the in-laws.
“There’s no fucking chance he is going to have a couple of beers and a polite chat with auntie Jane and uncle Clive,” laughed best mate Darren. “The bloke goes out five nights a week, getting on the beers, nosebag and brasses. Kelly thinks he’ll eventually calm down but, if anything, he’s getting worse.
“Five grams for a family gathering is outrageous and I can’t wait to see how it turns out,”continued Darren. “I reckon it’ll involve police, medics, fire trucks, strippers, lifeguards, a priest to perform an exorcism and a gynaecologist.”
Wunderground spoke with Lee ahead of the big night, “The charlie’s just for back up, that’s all,” he told us. “I’m quite happy to have some chips and dip; talk to her grandma about her arthritis and laugh along with all the family banter about us not being married yet.”
“It’s just if I feel myself getting a bit bored, I might have a quick corner,” revealed Lee with a cheeky smile. “That’s usually when things go down the shitter. Kelly ain’t got a clue I get on it, so I’ll have to go about my business like a ninja; creeping about like Bruce Lee, getting on the shovel like Pablo Montana, all the while building a fantastic reputation with her busy fucking family. What could possibly go wrong?”
