A man who plans on dancing crazily at the upcoming Secret Solstice Festival in Iceland, has revealed the motive behind his madness is to have someone record a viral video of him.
Glen Power, an eccentric fifty year old, is looking to strike another item off his bucket list by becoming an internet sensation and sees a “pre-planned spontaneous outburst of body popping and off beat hip thrusting” as the best way to achieve his goal.
“My whole life I’ve wanted to be famous,” claimed Mr. Power during a recent interview with Wunderground. “They say everybody gets their own fifteen minutes but, so far, the closest I’ve come to fame was the time I grabbed Abi Titmuss’s arse at Glastonbury. So, going on the law of averages, I reckon if I make enough of a twat of myself, and somebody catches it on camera, I’m bound to be a big hit over on the YouTube.”
“I’ve been doing a bit of research and, as far as I can tell, Secret Solstice seems to be one of the coolest festivals around Iceland at the moment,” continued Power, who was wearing a monocle in each eye, a strawberry print top hat and a piece of Swiss cheese on a string around his neck. “So I imagine everyone there will be quite trendy and probably pretty good at dancing, which should make me stick out like a Maceoplex tune in a Diplo set.”
“I’ve been working on some really awesome new moves for the video, I’ll show you a couple, I call this one ‘Around the World In Eighty Wanks’,” he said while spinning quickly and simulating the act of male masturbation. “And this one’s called ‘Windmills Are People Too’,” he added while rotating one arm in a windmill fashion, marching around in a small circle and giving a Nazi style salute with his other arm.
“They’re just a couple of the more low key moves I’ll be using, some of the others are real eye catchers and to add a bit of spice to the situation I’ll be wearing nothing but a tiny thong for the whole performance. This Secret Solstice Festival won’t know what’s hit it.”
According to Mr. Power, other items he hopes to scratch off his bucket list in 2016 include; drinking cans of Dutch Gold at various natural beauty spots including Niagara Falls and the Great Barrier Reef, staying awake for an entire DJ Sneak DJ set, pissing in a politicians tea pot and fitting both hands inside his wife.
