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September 16, 2016
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Man Eating Food At Rave Ruins Everyone’s Buzz

A man who decided to indulge in food at a rave has been accused of “ruining everyone’s buzz”.

Dave Smith, of Tonbridge, Kent, is said to have been under the impression it would be a good idea to grab himself a quarter pounder, chips and curry sauce when arriving at a techno festival, in order to “prepare for the big day ahead” and prevent himself “becoming a drunken mess”.

According to sources, the reality of the situation was that his group of friends were left feeling “fucking sickened” by Dave’s actions and couldn’t wait for him to “piss right off”.

“We had a few beers and a gram of coke in the pub before we headed to the rave, Dave was good as gold,” announced close friend Tom. “He seemed a bit boozy, but was definitely on the same level as all of us. In the taxi we all dropped a pill each in preparation of going hard as soon as we arrived but Dave obviously had other ideas, the dirty bastard.”

“Once we got through the entrance, he ran straight over to one of those zero star hygiene food stands which nobody in the history of music festivals has ever used,” continued Tom. “He came back to the group with the smelliest fucking lunch you’d ever seen. I thought I was going to chunder all over him. The amount of grease over his burger was disgusting. He made us stand with him until he finished the lot and we literally couldn’t escape the smell of it for hours after. It took me about five hours to come up after watching him see off the whole thing.”

Wunderground managed to speak to Dave with regards to his food consumption, “Mate, that burger hit the spot,” he proudly said. “The day got a bit weird though as everyonekept offering me chewing gum which I found a bit odd. I was expecting to be offered ket, pills and MD – not Polo’s, Airwaves and Smints. Drug dealers are a strange breed.”

Nathon Woodhead

Nathon Woodhead

Too old to go to raves, too young to retire from them. Where does that leave me? Writing for Wunderground.

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