A man has been found on the opposite side of the pub to his jaw after sniffing a monstrous line of “banging” cocaine.
Thirty one year old Paul Curtis, from Dartford, England, is believed to have been complaining to friends about the quality of coke in the area, referring to it as “weak” and a “load of rubbish”, before finding himself in a horrible state of gurn and constantly chatting shit to strangers.
“That gear was more fucking powerful than the regular stuff I get,” laughed Paul. “I’m usually fine on it, to the point I didn’t think it affects me these days; but when I was on the fruity I swear my jaw was so far gone, it was seven foot away, at the bar, ordering a beer for itself.”
“People kept asking if I was alright and saying it looked like it was dislocated,” continued Paul. “There was a rumour that went round that Anthony Joshua had been in the pub earlier and punched me in the face twenty seven times, and that’s why my jaw was nine inches out of place. That was a lie though, that cunt wouldn’t be able to land a shot on me.”
Wunderground spoke to Paul’s friend, Dean, with regards to his behaviour, “His jaw always goes mental,” laughed Dean. “He thinks he can handle it, but after half a gram he rapidly ages, looking about seven hundred years old, and becomes a slurry mess. Every week he says he ain’t getting on it because it don’t work for him, yet every week he ends up in a state. Top lad.”
