A man in London, England, was kicked out of a record store last week after trying to pay for goods with savings from his wank bank.
Bobby Smith, an out of work carpenter, claimed that he was “caught out” without money on his debit card, when he tried to make the purchases using memories and fantasies he had stored in his head.
“I really wanted to get the new Jamie XX album that came out last week,” revealed Mr. Smith. “Normally I’d just download music but the money’s been a bit tight lately, what with me having no job, and the pricks in Vodafone have only gone and cut my internet off so I seen it for sale for a tenner and though I’ll just buy it, my giro’s due in the next few days so I though I could afford a tenner.”
“I was wrong, when I tried to pay on my card it wouldn’t go through,” continued Smith, who claims to have been saving in the wank bank since he was twelve years old. “It was really embarrassing, I’ve never been out of work before so I’ve always had a few quid in the bank to be able to buy myself bits and pieces so it was a completely new experience for me. I had no other money on me and I just panicked.”
“I’m a wank bank billionaire and for some reason, when I was put on the spot, I just though ‘oh I’ll use the wank bank to pay this’. Terrible move!” claimed a blushing Smith. “I just started to list off stuff to the shop assistant, I was saying things like ‘Debbie McCarthy’s tits in year ten’ or ‘Christina Aguillera’s Dirty video’ and ‘shagging Angela Murray at the Christmas party’, stuff that was buried in the wank bank that I hadn’t thought about in years. She just looked at me like I was some kind of perverted weirdo.”
“After about five minutes of spouting different wank bank deposits, with the things I was saying getting progressively dirtier and more perverted, she eventually called the security guard,” he explained. “They had to drag me out and that’s not even the most embarrassing part, I’d actually given myself a bit of a boner going through so much of my savings, so there I was, pitching a tent, rambling on about my past sexual exploits and getting physically removed from my local record shop. I’ll never be able to go back in there again.”
Meanwhile in America, online pornographic media hub, RedTube, are believed to be developing a brain integrated credit card system that will allow people to pay for purchases on their site in exchange for material from their wank bank.
