An Englishman is set to take a two week holiday from work to recover from a six day holiday he has just had in Ibiza.
Mark Dobbins, a twenty four year old code writer from London, returned from a hedonistic time on the white isle this morning and has absolutely no intention of returning to work in the foreseeable future.
“I’m supposed to be back in the day after tomorrow,” explained Mark during a brief interview with Wunderground. “But, to be honest, work can suck my cock if they think I’m going to be going anywhere near that place for the next two weeks. Even if I slept for the next forty eight hours I’d still be in no fit state for work. Fuck that!”
“This is the worst come down I’ve ever had,” he said with a look of despair. “I know I’m just feeling shitty now because I’ve taken more drugs in the last week than an entire cycling team in the build up to the Tour de France but there’s just no way I’ll be physically or mentally able to deal with all those normalers in there in two days time.”
“I have the holiday time in the bank so I don’t really care if they’re pissed off,” he continued defiantly. “I’m just gonna send them an email saying that I won’t be back for another two weeks and if they don’t like it they can hire someone else.”
“That would actually work out well because I’ve been thinking about quitting my job and going out and working in Ibiza anyway,” said Mr. Dobbins, who claims to have lost over two stone in weight during his time in Ibiza. “I hear there’s lots of opportunities for code writers to sell club tickets this time of year.”
“I’m booking a flight to Amsterdam first thing in the morning,” revealed Dobbins. “A shit load of weed and a hooker who’ll let me cry into her tits are exactly what I need to get over that holiday. Two weeks of that and I’ll be brand new.”
According to statistics from the Ministry of Ringing in Sick to Work, approximately seventy five percent of people who go on holidays to Ibiza ring in sick the day they’re supposed to be back in work, with a further ten percent extending their leave of absence up to a week and another three percent quitting their job altogether.
