A man who was accidentally given a blood transfusion from Pete Doherty in a London hospital is in a stable condition after overdosing on The Libertines frontman’s blood.
Gerard Mcallister was rushed to the Royal London Hospital yesterday morning, where he needed an emergency blood transfusion after having his leg severely lacerated by a “giant novelty cactus” which fell from a fourth floor balcony.
“Mr Mcallister had lost a lot of blood when we he was brought into us,” explained the hospital’s Dr. Jean Taek. “He needed an extremely rare blood type, which we keep separate from all of our other blood. Unfortunately for Mr. Mcallister, we also keep a sample of Mr. Doherty’s blood in a compartment of its own and in the heat of the moment the porter grabbed the wrong bag of blood.”
“It didn’t take long before the effects of the toxic blood started to take effect on the patient,” continued Ms. Taek. “The only reason we kept the blood in the first place was because it actually contained more drugs than blood cells and we were planning on somehow using it to get off our tits at the Christmas party, but that was for the whole hospital not just one man.”
“His blood pressure and temperature both shot up and he went into cardiac arrest,” revealed the doctor. “It was touch and go for a while but we managed to resuscitate him after giving him a Pulp Fiction style shot of adrenalin to the chest.”
Mr. Mcallister, who described his near death experience as “fucking amazing”, has indicated that he won’t be taking any legal action against the hospital for their near fatal mistake, on the condition that the hospital give him any other samples they have of Mr. Doherty’s blood or arrange a hookup with Mr. Doherty’s dealer.