A man who has been ambitiously planning on going to “just about all” of this summer’s music festival has had his hopes dashed after friends revealed that he probably won’t go to any of them.
Mark Smith, a twenty five year old barista from England’s Lake District, has been telling “anyone who’ll listen to him” how 2015 is going to be the year when he finally gets to go to all the festivals.
However his claims have been discredited after Michael Burrows, a close friend of Mr. Smith’s, revealed that his friend is “full of shit” and comes out with “the same bullshit story” every year.
“This time every year Mark starts to come out with the ‘oh I think I’ll go to this and that this year’ bollocks,” explained Burrows earlier. “He means well, it’s more of a conversation starter than actually wanting to go to the festivals, he doesn’t really have much taste in music so whenever it comes up he just reverts to ‘I’m going to these festivals’ mode.”
“He’s still planning on getting a ticket for Glastonbury, he hasn’t got a clue it’s been sold out since October, he’s more likely to get ebola than he is to get a Glasto ticket,” continued Burrows. “He’s also going to Hideout, Dimensions, Sziget, Sonar, T In The Park, Leeds, Reading, Bestival and Burning Man. He earns seven pounds an hour so I’d like to know how he’s planning on pulling that off.”
“He probably won’t end up going to any festivals,” predicted Burrows, the proud owner of a Glastonbury ticket, “and if he does it’ll probably be a last minute ticket to Global Gathering, where he’ll go and spend his entire time at the main stage before coming home and talking about going to next year’s Coachella and Electric Daisy Carnival for six months.”
According to sources Mr. Smith is also planning a number of elaborate holidays this summer including Ibiza’s opening and closing parties, a cycling tour of the Pyrenees, an ayahuasca retreat to Peru and a trip to the Rugby World Cup in France.
