A Facebook user who daily posts the lyrics to popular songs as status updates has been described as “deep and sensitive” by those who know him.
Luke Prendergast, a 27 year old shop assistant, son of parents and world class snorer, reportedly posts melancholic lyrics from bands like The Cure, Joy Division and Bright Eyes on his page as status updates, which according to everyone means that he’s a “deep and sensitive soul, perhaps with an ocean of pain just beneath the surface”.
“Well of course he’s deep and introspective, have you seen him post lyrics on his Facebook page,” asked one friend, James, who claims that he’s never witnessed Luke display any kind of hint that he has a tortured artistic soul in real life but that “posting emotive lyrics on Facebook is enough to prove that he has one”.
“I sometimes think that Luke doesn’t even like the songs he posts about because they describe those parts of life that are almost too painful for words – like seeing a dove cry or stubbing your toe,” continued James. “He just likes how the lyrics express the tender sadness at the heart of the human spirit, that’s like super deep, James Franco deep.”
According to James, the lyrics that Luke posts on his wall rarely get less than 20 likes and often elicit comments expressing agreement like “wow, you just snapped my heart strings” and some expressing concern like “hope you’re ok dude, I’m here if you need”.
One girl, Samantha, who hopes to one day save Luke’s beautiful soul from the obviously complex cycle of profound and affected sadness that he’s in, believes that Luke is quite possibly the most deep person she knows because not only does he post song lyrics but sometimes “poetry, pictures of forests and quotes from famous philosophers” which are a sure indication that he’s “like super-emo”.
“He’s so fragile yet strong, like a spiderweb made of metal,” gushed Samantha, who prefers to be called Sam because of her contempt for “like traditional gender roles” before suggesting that Luke “finds life beautiful but hard and by posting lyrics he probably escapes the quotidian for one brief moment – like a bird breaching through a rain cloud to drink in the sunrise”.
Studies of online behaviour have shown that people who post soppy lyrics on Facebook are “either drunk, attempting to show off their musical taste or presenting the impression of themselves as a tortured artistic soul who like totally gets what Kurt Cobain means so that people will sex them”.
“I fit into all three,” claimed Luke cheerily. “Between you and me I only post lyrics from gay songs by Bat for Lashes, Kate Bush or Enya so that chicks will think ‘oh, he must be in touch with his feminine side’ and so probably not a dirty dog whose trying to bang them. But, I totally am.”
Luke claims that he likes to supplement this image of himself by posing with guitar in hand affecting an air of thoughtfulness, usually with a sepia filter or with his hair in front of his face or obscured by dark sunglasses with a caption reading “channeling the spirit of my dead mother to write some new songs, I’ll probably never play them for anyone”.
“It’s a successful seduction technique if you stick to the image,” concluded Luke. “I accidentally posted lyrics from Snoop Dogg’s Doggystyle on my wall last year which got no likes and totally unfounded accusations of misogyny which is ridiculous. It took me months of posting depressive Bright Eyes lyrics before I could manipulate one of those dozy bints into shagging me.”
