An American criminal, who is serving consecutive life sentences for armed robbery, drug offences and kidnapping, has asked for his sentence to be extended, after hearing the result of the American Presidential election.
Inmates at San Quentin State Prison are said to have heard screams of “hallelujah” and “praise the lord”, from the cell of one of the world’s most feared men, Jay Delgado, as he watched the results play out on live television.
“We had no idea what he was cheering,” a confused prisoner told us. “We assumed he was after finding a loophole in the system that’d knock forty years from his sentence. It turns out it was over Donald Trump becoming President, which is odd because he’s always claimed that orange looking cunt is the third person on his hitlist, behind the judge who sentenced him and his father who abandoned him when he was a kid.”
Wunderground spoke with Delgado to ask why he was so happy, “I am fucking delighted that I’m inside whilst all that shit is going on out there,” laughed Jay. “America will be fucking anarchy for years to come, there’s no way I am going back outside. Political unrest, civil war, crime, not to mention Isis, North Korea or the Russians wanting to have a dig at that floppy haired fool. If you think gun crime is bad now, you wait until he takes full control. People will be buying AK47s just to try and assassinate him.”
“I’ve spoken to my lawyer and I’m willing to confess to a double homicide from the nineties if it means getting my sentence extended,” continued Delgado. “There’s no way I want to live in a country run by that man, I’m even willing to take the wrap for crimes I didn’t commit, just so I don’t have to see that smug prick on the news. You wait, all the prisons will fill up over the next six months with criminals who have the same idea as me. It’s better on the inside, we will be treated with more dignity and have less chance of dying.”
