Man Taking Drugs All Weekend Blaming Night Terrors On “Too Much Cheese”

A man who stayed awake the entire weekend necking drugs has blamed the night terrors he experienced after finally going to bed at 5am Monday morning on “too much cheese”.

Anthony James claimed the night terrors “scared the piss” out of him leaving his bed soaked in hot urine and left him the feeling like he was dying until his housemate shook him awake.

“It was a bit of a hectic weekend if you know what I mean,” joked James nervously indicating that he’s a cool and does drugs while wiping the remnants of the hedonistic weekend from the tip of his nose with a finger. “It must have been about four this morning before I finally flopped onto my bed and then after a few minutes the bloody night terrors kicked in, I’ve hardly had a wink of sleep.”

“I was already in a bit of a delicate mind frame after taking a shit load of hallucinogenics,” continued the sleep deprived office temp. “It was proper scary too, it felt like I was being electrocuted from the inside out, with a twelve foot tall, twenty stone Jimmy Nail shaped ogre sitting on my chest singing a satanic version of Crocodile Shoes directly into my face. A bit like an Aphex Twin video except even more fucked up and not sexy at all.”

“The old ticker could have done without the fright after the amount of amphetamines and chalk I put up me hooter. I’ll never have cheese on toast before bed again,” he regretfully revealed. “I should have known better to be honest with you, everyone’s always saying it’s well dodgy to eat cheese before you go to bed. I guess I just learned the hard way.”

“It was extra mature cheddar too and I had a slice of pizza at some stage on Saturday, I’m half tempted to give up cheese altogether after this,” he added. “I’m too old for this cheese.”

According to James’s coworkers, the temp fell asleep at at his desk at least three times before eleven o’clock and woke up screaming his own name on more than one occasion despite not having any cheese since the previous night.