A man who took a red ecstasy tablet earlier today is now believed to think that he is a character from the Matrix films.
Ian Jenkins, a twenty three year old shop assistant from Swansea, took the pill at around nine o’clock this morning, shortly after deciding to take a sick day from work.
Jenkins reportedly “had it large” over the weekend and continued to “get on it like a car bonnet” before taking the red pill early this morning.
“He’s been totally caining it all weekend,” revealed close friend Dylan Jones. “He was taking all sorts of pills all weekend, they were mostly white and blue, but someone handed him a red one this morning and said that line from the Matrix, you know? ‘Take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland and I’ll show you how the deep the rabbit hole goes’, he looked a bit nervous about it but he’d just rang in sick so he just got on with things and swallowed it.”
“Before long he started freaking out, he was shouting things like ‘none of you are real’ and ‘take me to the oracle’,” explained Jones. “It was dead funny at first but after a while it started to get a little bit worrying, the pills were really strong and I think other people were starting to think that they might be in the matrix too.”
“I had to tell him that Morpheus wanted to talk to him upstairs in my little brother’s bedroom and as soon as he went in I locked him inside,” he continued. “He’s been in there for about three hours now, at first he was screaming, shouting ‘the agents are coming’ and kicking the door but he eventually went quiet. I looked in on him a few minutes ago and he was passed out on the bed with a USB cable hanging out of his ear. Bless him.”
