A man using all of his best chat up lines and pulling techniques whilst on a night out with the lads has gone home alone with a kebab, it has been revealed.
According to friends, twenty three year old self proclaimed “banter king”, Ricky Jones, is believed to see himself as a bit of a “cheeky chappie” and a total “ladies man”, so was left “dazed and confused” when none of the women in his local nightclub opted to go home with him.
“I can’t work out what went wrong” Ricky told us. “Initially I tried a few of the classic lines, such as ‘is your name Gillette, because you’re the best a man can get’ and ‘are you a parking ticket coz’ you’ve got fine written all over you’ but they weren’t working. Girls were rejecting my dance moves, they didn’t want a drink off me and basically just pied me off. It was humiliating.”
“I got so desperate, I even approach Bianca the Bike, who goes home with anyone,” continued Ricky. “I explained to her that I’m good looking, charismatic, funny, wear very expensive clothes that I bought in the Reiss sale, have a tidy bedroom with a big double bed, and most importantly, my parents would be asleep so we won’t get interrupted. She told me to ‘fuck off’.”
Wunderground spoke to Bianca the Bike regarding Ricky’s approach, “What a helmet,” she said. “He thinks he’s God’s gift, rolling around that club sleazing over every single bird. I don’t think he gets that chatting up hundreds of girls until you find a desperate one doesn’t make you good with women, it makes you a fucking grafter.”
“He may have shagged fifty birds, but I bet he’s been rejected by thousands. I saw him wandering home, alone, with a dirty donner kebab and loads of chilli sauce all down his ‘expensive’ Reiss shirt. What a twat, I hope he enjoys his lonely wank, tonight.”
