An Irishman’s attempt to give up drugs for lent is still on track after he successfully convinced himself that cigarettes and alcohol don’t count.
Mark Murphy decided to purge his body of all stimulants just over four weeks ago and, so far, has not given in to temptation.
“It’s been tough alright,” claimed Murphy during a chat with Wunderground. “Originally I was going to give up the smokes and drink as well but I had a little blip on the first day where I accidentally put a pint of Guinness to my mouth, only to find myself shivering outside the pub with a smoke in my hand.”
“But when you think about it they don’t really count as real proper drugs anyway,” he added. “It’s not like people die from smoking and drinking the way they do from ecstasy and magic mushrooms.”
“I’d usually only smoke in the evenings and drink on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights so I definitely don’t feel like I’m cheating at all,” continued the Dubliner, “and I’ve only been drinking beer, stout or cider whereas I’d usually be hammering the vodka, that definitely doesn’t count as drugs. Does it?”
According to friends of Mr. Murphy, the twenty nine year old is “even more full of shit than a festival port-a-loo on a Sunday”, after revealing that he has taken drugs on at least three occasions in the first four weeks of lent.
“He is in his bollix off the drugs,” scoffed friend Michael Winters. “His idea of being off the drugs is getting so pissed that he can’t remember taking them, he’s achieved expert level at that, he does it every weekend.”
“He’s fooling nobody only himself,” continued Winters. “He’s planning on going to Amsterdam for a weekend at the end of lent to celebrate, he’ll probably end up doing less drugs over there than he’s done on here on a typical ‘quiet’ Friday.”
Mr. Murphy is believed to be so happy with his self control that he is considering extending his drug free stint beyond the forty days of lent, “I feel great without the drugs, I’ll definitely consider thinking about giving them up for longer than lent. Not coke obviously, that’s from a plant, I might give up anything that’s not originally from a plant, sure the plant ones aren’t even that bad for you anyway.”
