A man who offered his boss cocaine at his Christmas party last night has woke up severely hungover, suffering with an unhealthy dose of “the fear” and is not looking forward to work tomorrow.
James Walker, a thirty year old account manager, claims to have misread his boss’s actions before producing the bag of “top notch flake” from his pocket and offering him a “bump”.
“He looked at me like I had six fucking heads,” claimed the disheveled office worker. “The party had been going so well up until that point too. I’d been getting on really well with the boss, we were chatting about my future and where I see my role in the company. I was probably talking my way to a promotion, now I’ll be lucky if I don’t see a P45.”
“I should have know better, the man’s in his sixties and plays golf every Saturday and Sunday morning,” continued Walker, who was seriously considering having a drink to “take the edge off”. “Why I thought he was a weekend warrior like me is beyond me, the last time I was on a golf course at seven in the morning I was picking magic mushrooms and that day ended with me getting arrested for indecent exposure in a Greggs so the less said about that the better.”
“It’s all a bit hazy but I definitely remember him saying something about having to pace himself with the drink, which to me obviously meant he wanted to take some coke,” he revealed with regret. “Then I’m pretty sure I handed him the bag and he just looked at me and said ‘what’s that?’ I said ‘it’s coke Timmy’ then he handed it back to me and said ‘my name is Mr. Gaffney’ and walked away.”
“The last thing I remember is tying my tie around my head, Rambo style, climbing onto my desk and doing the helicopter with my dick,” admitted Walker. “I’d like to think I made a dignified exit after that but I seriously doubt it, I’m expecting some pretty intense levels of awkwardness tomorrow.”
Unconfirmed reports from Mr. Walker’s office suggest that the account manager’s worries may be unfounded after all of his colleagues acted equally badly during the Christmas party.
