Man Who Planned On Having Just One Pint After Work Now Considering Having One More
A man who decided to go for one pint with his colleagues after finishing work this evening is said to be giving some serious consideration to the idea of staying for one more pint.
Andrew Carter, a data analyst from Stoke-on-Trent, made the decision to go out for a pint after a hard week’s work but insisted to himself that he’d “only stay for the one because [he’s] got to go out with the bird later on”.
However, the presence of sweet alcohol in Mr. Carter’s bloodstream has tested his resolve to its very limits and he is now on the cusp of committing to another pint. Ian Broomefield, a colleague of Mr. Carter’s, discovered his coworker was considering staying for another round after hearing Mr. Carter giving himself a pep talk in the pub’s toilets.
He explained the incident to Wunderground, “I was just in taking a piss at the urinals when I heard a voice coming from the cubicle.”
“Being a nosey bastard I went right over next to the door so I could get a good listen,” continued Broomefield. “I had no idea it was Andrew until I heard the voice saying ‘come on you can do it, you can have one more pint and then go straight home, you don’t have to stay out all night, you’re stronger than that’. I could hardly contain the laughter. He’s the same every week.”
“To be honest I don’t even think he believes what he’s saying himself. He just does it so he can convince himself that he tried to go home,” claimed Mr. Broomefield before accusing his friend of having “the will power of a fat kid in a sweet shop or Rolf Harris at a teenage girl’s slumber party”.
“I’ve actually got a bag of pills and a couple of grams of coke in my pocket,” revealed Mr. Broomefield. “So if he doesn’t go now he’ll be lucky to be home before Sunday morning, just like every other Friday night. I really don’t know why people insist on lying to themselves about having one pint. It never happens.”
Upon publishing this article Wunderground understands that Mr. Carter, pictured above coming to the terms with the fact that his arms are made of rubber and are extremely easy to twist, has indeed given into temptation and ordered another drink, he has also returned to the toilet cubicle, however, instead of giving himself a moral boosting pep talk he is now giving himself a morale boosting “sneaky bump of coke”.