A young man who sensationally decided to quit Facebook for the rest of his life has shocked his friends by reactivating his account a mere two hours later.
Andrew Bradley (21), a student from Manchester, broke the news to friends late on Sunday evening via the social network in a statement that read, “Well guys I’ve decided to quit Facebook. This time it’s for real, I’m gone for life. I spend way too much time staring into my computer screen and I’ve way too much work to be doing for this shit. Anyone who needs me can get me the old fashioned ways. So long Facebook, hello productivity.”
Bradley, who has made two previous attempts at giving up Facebook in recent years, each of which ultimately ended in failure, spoke about his desire to quit the social network, “Over the last couple of years I’ve developed a really unhealthy relationship with my Facebook profile. Nothing sexual or anything like that, apart from the odd thrice daily wank that is.”
“I’ve really wanted to quit it for ages now, but every time I try I just get sucked back in through fear of missing out on something really exciting,” explained Mr. Bradley, “and once it sucks you back in there’s no escaping, it’s like staring into a goldfish bowl or watching Georgie Thompson’s tits on Sky Sports News, mesmerising.”
“I’m in my final year of university now and I really feel like I need to cut back the time I spend on Facebook. I’m constantly distracting myself from studying by logging in to see if I’ve had any notifications or messages,” continued the student. “It’s such a waste of time when I could be distracting myself with things that actually matter like watching porn, downloading movies and giving people shit on forums.”
“When I said I was quitting on Sunday I was sure that this would be the time I’d actually stick to my guns,” he claimed. “Not like when I say I’m quitting drinking and doing drugs on a Sunday, when what I really mean is ‘I’m not drinking or doing drugs until Thursday at least,’” he added.
“But when my mate Scot text me on Sunday night saying ‘OMG have you seen the photos from Friday? You were in a state’ I just had to sign back up,” he revealed. “I’m a bit embarrassed to be honest with you because all my friends were expecting me to quit for at least a couple of days, this my worst attempt yet.”
