A man who is currently seeking employment is wondering whether or not he should put “wanking in the toilets” on his CV.
Paul Murphy, from Dublin, Ireland, was recently told he should note everything he did in his previous job on his CV and is now facing an internal dilemma as to what he should or shouldn’t include.
“I haven’t got a fucking clue what I should be putting on this thing,” claimed the twenty two year old earlier. “That aul one in the job center told me to put ‘absolutely everything’ on it but I’m pretty sure there’s a few things that I probably shouldn’t include.”
“Like, I got sacked for stealing,” admitted Mr Murphy. “but I only got caught once out of about fifty times so I’d say I was fairly good at nicking stuff. Should I include that? It shows initiative and resourcefulness but I don’t want them to know I’m on the stroke or they’ll be watching me and I won’t be able to pilfer anything from the new job, and robbing is half the reason I even want a job anyway.”
“Then there’s wanking on the job,” he went on. “I’m a four wanks a day kinda person so wanking in work is very important to me. The last job I had I was having two or three wanks in the toilet everyday. Do I put that on my CV? I don’t want to get the job and then have them moaning because I’m out in the toilet so much, if I don’t tell them a workplace wanker I’ll have to make up some story about having chronic diarrhea or something but I don’t want to do that, they’ll think I’m a dirty bastard.”
According to reports, having decided that honesty is the best policy and including everything on his CV, Mr Murphy is yet to find employment despite having sent out over two hundred applications.
