Teen pop-EDM puppet, Martin Garrix is reported to have delighted his pre-pubic fanbase by offering a free colouring book with his latest Maarten Vorwerk produced “mix” CD.
The CD, tentatively titled Global Overground: Montessori is set for release later this week sometime after school and Martin Garrix fans are urged to ask their parents for pocket money to go out and buy it as maybe an early Christmas or birthday present.
Explaining the idea behind releasing a colouring book with what is purportedly a mix CD by one of the world’s most well known “DJs”, label spokesperson Arnhulf Balsheeit said that they see it “as the perfect companion to Martin’s ethereal and fairytale productions like Animals and, erm, the remix of Animals”.
“No one over the age of 16 could actually find enjoyment in Martin’s simple and saccharine nursery rhyme arrangements unless they have a vested interest in promoting poor quality, childish dance music for money or they’re just a bit stupid,” he continued. “So, eliminating the actual, relevant and discerning dance music audience we’re left with morons and children, both of whom love colouring in and doodling aimlessly.”
Mr. Balsheeit, who went on to pitch Martin’s music as “like what would happen if Roald Dahl and Enid Blyton made a Christmas album on bad mephedrone”, claimed that Martin will be going on a tour to support the album/colouring book combo which he believes will be a massive success and may inspire similar projects like “a Steve Aoki cookbook” or “Guy Gerber book of erotic poetry”.
“Martin will play a series of gigs in support of the project – playing mostly in creches and Montessori schools across the US and Europe at the coveted 1pm to 3pm pre-nap slot – which is reportedly when his fans are at their most hyper,” he enthused. “Police will be in attendance to make sure no-one has too much fizzy drinks or crisps.”
Tickets go on sale with the release of the CD and colouring book which reportedly will feature Martin in a variety of wacky DJ poses like “one hand on the ear, clapping and heart hands” and may also feature some other popular fictitious characters like Paddington Bear, Deadmau5 and Steve Aoki.
Some fans, who were rewarded with an exclusive pre-release listen to the album, took the time to stop sucking their thumbs and tell Wunderground that “it was the bestest CD ever” and that they’re “excited to have Mammy play it when I lie on the floor colouring in with a glass of milk and some cookies” before promising that they’ll “try to stay in between the lines”.
