Dutch EDM poster boy Martin Garrix has once again proved that the music industry is child’s play after signing a mega $10 million dollar contract with children’s toy manufacturers Fisher Price.
The contract is just one of many lucrative sponsorship deals Garrix has signed this year propelling the eighteen year old into being one of the highest earning teenagers on the planet.
“We’re delighted to have Martin on board as part of the Fisher Price team,” commented CEO Grant Mahoney. “We absolutely love his music. It’s simplistic, childish nature is perfect for a number of our toys, including the Laugh and Learn Bathtime Bongos and the Rainforest Friends Musical Lion Walker.”
“We’re also looking at introducing a range of DJ controllers aimed at kids between the ages of six months and four years old,” continued the company executive. “Kids pick up so much in their formative years and by essentially breeding the next generation of superstar DJs with Fisher Price equipment now, we give ourselves a great platform to enter the digital DJing market fifteen or twenty years down the line.”
“By then the kids we target today will be grown up and have a disposable income, which we hope to be able to relieve them off,” continued Mr. Mahoney. “It’s like taking candy from a baby, or subliminally planting an idea in a baby’s head that will make them give you their candy, in the form of money, when they grow up.”
Garrix, best known for producing a series of tracks which are indistinguishable to the untrained ear, is said to be “fucking chuffed” with the contract. He spoke to Wunderground earlier today, “Yeah! Ten. Million. Dollars. Can you believe that? I’m so happy right now!”
“My PR manager told me to come out and say some bullshit story about being happy because my music was going to be the soundtrack to kids’ learning experience but fuck that, who cares about stupid kids when you’ve got $10 million?” he asked with a smile from ear to ear. “I’m going to put this money to good use, starting with a trip to Amsterdam where I’ll probably drop half-a-mil on hookers and coke.”
“I’ll be able to afford to be the world’s number one DJ next year too, which is going to be brilliant!”
Unconfirmed reports from the Netherland’s which suggesting that the deal may fall through at the eleventh hour after the prototype DJ controller was “too complicated” for Garrix have been rubbished after Fisher Price revealed that the controller comes fully equipped with a “pre recorded mix” option.
