Clubbing

Ministry Of Defence To Consider Drone Attacks On London Nightclubs

Leaked documents from the Ministry of Defence have confirmed plans to attack London nightclubs using drones in the event of any further drug related deaths.

A contingency plan for Operation Zero Craic has been put in place and will see simultaneous drone strikes on all of London’s major clubs should it be called upon.

Sergeant Iain de Heir, of the Royal Air Force, spoke to Wunderground earlier, “London clubs are now the two hundred and sixty eighth biggest danger to UK citizens, only things like terrorists, car crashes, falling pianos, shark attacks, spontaneous combustion, smallpox and choking on apple cores are more dangerous to our citizens than nightclubs so it’s about time something was done about them.”

“In the event of another drug related fatality in any of London’s clubs I will have no problem pressing the big red button and unleashing a hellish barrage of fire and brimstone on those dens of iniquity,” continued the sergeant. “Once the clubs have been flattened, we’ll move in and open recruitment offices and weapon factories, which will help to make the country, and the world, a happier and safer place.”

According to Michael Fallon, the British Secretary of State for Defence, a strike against London’s nightclubs would be a “strike for the people” and a legitimate act in the war against drugs.

“Yes there may be some collateral damage,” confirmed Fallon. “There may also be some civilian deaths but that’s a small price to pay. If we can kill a couple of hundred people in a one off attack and counteract a few possible drug deaths a little further down the line then I think it’s more than worthwhile.”

Wunderground sources have also confirmed that once the “club problem” is taken care off Wetherspoons pubs will be targeted, which could result in a full scale military invasion in a number of towns around the country.

To Top
Close

Send this to friend