Legendary DJ and producer, Moby, has today reaffirmed his famed charitable nature by shaving his head for charity.
“I wanted to give something back and thought ‘what way can a rich and famous white man like me, with a healthy bank balance and public reach, do to somehow get me for a charity,” queried the producer in an interview with Wunderground this morning. “I was scratching my naked scalp, trying to think of a way to give back when the idea finally came to me.”
“So rather than just donating some cash or publicly advocating the cause I decided to shave my head,” he explained. “I’m not giving my time or money, I’m giving something so much more valuable, non-existent hair.”
Moby claims that he was happy to sacrifice his head of hair as the cause, The International Society For Disadvantaged Shoelaces, is one that lies very close to his heart.
“It’s such a great cause and one I’m happy to be involved with,” he added. “There’s always that one shoelace that keeps opening and we need to do what we can so they don’t get depressed and hang themselves, perhaps using their shoelaces, who in turn would become depressed what with being complicit in someone else’s death.”
Sources claim that Moby shaved his head in a 2 second ceremony that saw him rub his skull with an open hand before slapping it and saying “done”.
“It took a team of 6 men with sweeping brushes about 15 minutes to sweep the floor afterwards to confirm that no hair had actually been shaved,” claimed a source. “People might say ‘well he didn’t actually shave his head cause he had no hair to begin with’ but like all shit presents and birthday cards with no money in them, it’s the thought that counts.”
Moby managed to raise $4 million for the ISDS and has now decided to take the week off to readjust to being bald.
“It feels so strange not to have hair up there,” he concluded. “I’ll miss the feeling of wind in my hair but I haven’t had that since I was 25 so I’m not too pushed. Every little bit I can do for charity, including doing absolutely nothing, helps.”
Moby’s selfless act has reportedly inspired some other celebrities to claim to donate to a charity on the basis of doing something they’d do anyway with Robert Downey Jr. doing coke and Kanye West donning blackface.
