Non vegan member’s of Moby’s family have lashed out at their soon to be Christmas host, claiming that they are set for a shit Christmas dinner, for the fifth consecutive year.
Ian Hall, Moby’s nephew, believes his uncle is a “selfish prick” for refusing to serve the traditional Christmas dinner of turkey and ham.
“I don’t care if he’s a vegan or whatever, it’s just not right to serve a meal without any turkey or ham in it at Christmas,” explained Mr Hall earlier today. “Every year we get invited around to his house at Christmas and, even though he gives good presents, it’s always a pain in the ass because of the crappy dinner.”
“I just don’t think I can put up with another nut loaf, tofu turkey or roasted eggplant for Christmas dinner again this year,” continued Hall. “I try to eat as little vegetables as possible, the way I see it, they’re just something shitty that you have to put up with to have some lovely meat, so when I go over there for Christmas dinner and get a plate full of veg I feel like crying.”
Wunderground also spoke to Ian’s father, Steve Hall, about his brother’s Christmas menu, “You know there’s something wrong when the brussels sprouts are the centerpiece of your dinner,” he told us. “The only reason I keep accepting his invitation is because it’s easier than cooking my own Christmas dinner and he always has some really nice whiskey but we usually end up stopping for burgers on the way home, you gotta have meat.”
According to Moby, his Christmas dinners are “next level” and highlight many modern societal issues.
“My Christmas dinners are more of a message than a source of nutrition,” explained Moby. “Naturally, everything is one hundred percent fair trade and organic but it’s the little things that really make them great, all the woman will get a slightly bigger portion than the men, for women’s rights and equality and all of the vegetables I use are totally gender fluid.”
“Plus everything I serve is really great at creating farts, so after dinner we’ll all sit around blowing off and I’ll collect all of the methane in my sitting room through a special air filtration system and use it to power my electric toothbrush for the next twelve months.”