An industry source has claimed that a startling 85% of all EDM music produced currently has been ‘ghost written’ by an especially angry swarm of bees. The bees, who have yet to be acknowledged for their contribution, are said to be “furious.”
Local beekeeper, Mike Harris, claimed that in recent years his apiary has been broken into “more than twenty times” by young men who he suspects are “EDM producers” attempting to capture field recordings of his precious bees.
It is believed that young producers are using effects to alter the sound of the bees and using it in some of EDM’s biggest electro-house hits. The sound of an angry swarm of bees is a natural indicator of danger and will infuriate most listeners, but it actually causes EDM fans to holler and whoop while ejaculating heavily whenever they hear it.
“Bees are my livelihood and my passion,” explained Mike, who admits that he sexually identifies as a zoophile. “It pains me to see them being abused in this way. When have bees ever hurt anyone?”
“I mean if these young guys were using the bees for some sort of sexual gratification, possibly involving smeared dollops of thick honey, then that I could understand, but just stealing the sound of the bees to make music seems a waste of time, and potential fun.”
Mike told Wunderground that the young men, who he believes are EDM producers, have been breaking into the apiary with recording equipment to provoke the hives and record the ensuing sound of the angry swarm.
“At first I wasn’t entirely sure if it was EDM producers who had been breaking into the yard. But I installed CCTV and noticed that they all wore plunging vests, Beats by Dre headphones and had ill-advised tattoos of other famous producers on their forearms so what else could they be?”
“I feel sorry for the bees,” continued Mike. “I know the problem of ghost producers is endemic in EDM but at least those guys get a pay check to go with their gag orders, the bees aren’t even credited on the tracks.”
“All that hard work and they get no acknowledgement from the musical community for it,” he concluded. “First humans steal honey from them and now this. I can see why they’re so angry.”
