New Dyson Vacuum Cleaner Based On Ricardo Villalobos Nasal System
The world’s leading vacuum cleaner manufacturer, Dyson, have announced that their latest model, the RV 5000, is based on the Chilean DJ Ricardo Villalobos’s nasal system.
According to Matt Holmes, a spokesperson for Dyson, the RV 5000 is the “most advanced and powerful vacuum cleaner ever produced” and will “set the standard in the industry for many years to come”.
“Here at Dyson we’ve always been a very innovative company when it comes to product design and development,” explained Mr. Holmes. “We’ve always borrowed from nature and technology to ensure our products are the best in the market and the design of the RV 5000 was no different. We put a lot of effort into finding the the best source of suction on the planet to help develop the vacuum.”
“After a tedious search we narrowed it down to three candidates,” continued Holmes, who claims his house is 99% crumb free. “We found the things that suck the most on Earth were Kanye West’s music, Paris Hilton’s mouth and Ricardo Villalobos’s nose but in the end the latter was a clear winner so we brought him and started development straight away.”
“At first the vacuum cleaner was far too powerful,” revealed the Dyson employee. “We found that it was sucking up the entire carpet, and in some cases full floor boards, but after making some minor adjustments we perfected the performance and are confident we’ve produced the world’s greatest ever vacuum cleaner based on a human nose.”
“We have changed our model slightly for the RV 5000,” claimed Holmes. “Instead of making it bag free, like most of the other vacuum cleaners in our range, we’ve fitted it with lots and lots of little bags, which seemed to be imperative for Ricardo’s nose reaching it’s suction potential.”
According to unconfirmed reports within Dyson, a hot air blower, based on DJ Sneak’s Twitter account, is also said to be in the final stages of development.