Session victims the world over have confirmed that a new episode of HBO’s award winning fantasy-drama Game of Thrones is “almost as good as alcohol” for combating a Monday comedown.
Speaking from the safety of his bed, Michael Flanks, who claims to have “cained it to epic proportions” at the weekend, revealed that Mondays will be a “hell of a lot easier” for the next ten weeks due to the show’s eagerly awaited return.
“It’s great news for people like me who enjoy both watching Game of Thrones and getting fucked up at the weekends,” explained Mr. Flanks. “I gave up work about two years ago to peruse a party lifestyle so, for me, Mondays don’t really have any significance, apart from the fact it’s the day all my friends disappear and I sit around being miserable.”
“But now, for the next ten weeks, that’ll all change,” he continued. “Usually I just drink and wank my way through Monday and try to avoid thinking about the sad reality of my life but now I have Game of Thrones so who needs alcohol?” he asked. “Obviously I’ll still be drinking and wanking, it’s a TV show not a miracle cure, but luckily drinking and wanking are both things that go extremely well with Game of Thrones. I’m feeling really excited about the next ten weeks.”
According to reports, global alcohol sales have not been affected by the return of Game of Thrones, although, calls to The Samaritans and other emergency helplines are down 75% on previous Mondays.
