A priest has been called to a house in Wales following an incident involving a couple who have recently had a baby. Neighbours believe the new parents may be possessed by the devil, forcing them to talk relentlessly about becoming new parents and how their baby is “the best thing that’s ever happened to them”.
John and Sammy Burke, who had baby Leon around two months ago, are said to have “worried” friends and family, after being “physically unable” to talk about anything except becoming new parents, sparking major concerns about their health and well being.
“I tried talking to John about the footy but he looked right through me,” said best mate Dan. “I asked what he thought of Cardiff’s win and if he might get out for a beer soon but he just said that little Leon didn’t sleep through the night. I tried to ignore it and asked what he fancied to eat but he replied by telling me Leon has the cheekiest smile. I couldn’t work out what was going on so I called an ambulance.”
Wunderground caught up with Sarah, Sammy’s cousin, who had the same problem, “Every time we text, all she talks about is baby things,” she told us. “I’ll ask her if she’s watching Strictly and she’ll reply something about breastfeeding and how her life is different now she’s a parent. She’s gone fucking weird.”
Wunderground also managed to speak to Father Damian Shields, the priest called to John and Sammy’s house, “This couple are not possessed by the devil and therefore do not require an exorcism. They’re suffering with new parent syndrome, which cannot be fixed by anybody in the medical or religious fields,” he explained. “It’s common enough, it normally takes a few months before they realise how fucking boring they’ve become since having a child.”
“Yes, care for your child. Yes, be interested in your child. Yes, love your child unconditionally. No, do not force all of your boring stories onto the people who care for you, as it will only drive them away. No, you are not the first people in the world to have a kid. Suck it up and hold a different conversation once in awhile.”
