A New York drug addict who traveled to Ireland to sample the “famous Irish craic” has been left disappointed after discovering nothing but mediocre cocaine on the streets of Dublin.
Anthony Barber, a comfortable drug addict with a health trust fund, decided to make the trip to Ireland after hearing about radical drug policy reforms set to be introduced by the Irish government last month.
“I’m actually one sixty eighth Irish so I’ve always wanted to come to Ireland and see the home of my ancestors,” explained Mr. Barber. “My great, great, great grandfather’s friend Michael O’Neill’s wife’s sister-in-law’s priest’s first cousin’s best friend was from a little village called Cork, his name was O’Shea and I think his family still live there, do you know them?”
“Growing up Irish in New York you always hear stories about the legendary craic they have in Ireland, especially in Temple Bar but I’ve been there and there’s no crack, there’s actually nothing but over priced drinks and guys on the street trying to bring you into strip clubs.” continued Barber. “I walked around for three hours and I couldn’t find any drugs so I settled for fourteen pints of Guinness and some traditional music, which was actually great fun.”
“Eventually I got talking to some guy from a place called Deputy Street or Sheriff Road or something like that and he was able to hook me up with a couple of rocks,” revealed the relieved looking drug addict. “It was enough to straighten me out but it was nothing to write home about. The crack in New York is way better than the stuff you guys have over here I don’t know what all the fuss is about.”
“I told the guy I wanted some of my money back and he said I was welcome to come down to his neighborhood and take it and then he mumbled something about a dope and getting a smack so I presume he’s got some good heroin down there for me.”
According to experts, fifty percent of American tourists who travel to Ireland “for the craic” leave with a hangover and feeling underwhelmed, while the other fifty percent leave feeling underwhelmed with a hangover.
