Following the discovery of the potentially Earth-like planet Kepler 452b clubbing veterans have been quick to point out that it “isn’t what it used to be”.
NASA announced this week that it had discovered the planet, believed to be the most similar to our own of all the exoplanets so far detected, and expect that it has a high chance of harbouring a dance music scene.
“Yeah so it’s in the goldilocks habitable zone, maybe has water and breathable oxygen but the clubs are shit,” dismissed Gary Philips, a veteran who at least once a day reminds people that he went to the Hacienda and that pills are gone crap. “They used to be so underground nobody on this side of the galaxy even knew about them.”
“Now it’s gone too commercial, even my Mum has heard of Kepler 452b and she’s about as knowledgeable about dance music as deaf giraffe,” he added. “It’s always the same, a place has a burgeoning scene then the media and the scenesters get wind of it and ruin it.”
Gary says that despite only finding out about the existence of Kepler 452b in the last week he nevertheless feels that the place has lost some of its magic.
“I probably wouldn’t visit, not on account of it being light years away from Earth and impossible, but just cause I’d expect the place to be overrun with unknowledgeable newbies and EDM kids,” he explained. “If I had to cryogenically freeze myself and travel across the galaxy for a clubbing experience I’d go to Kepler 452c instead. The clubs there are open 425 days a year and it has two moons so the open air terraces are literally out of this world.”
