The National Health Service (NHS) is set to launch a host of winter rehab clinics for people suffering with “Ibiza blues” – believing it can provide coping mechanisms for anybody failing to deal with the end of another season on the White Isle.
It is understood that the free of charge service will be open to the public from Tuesday 11th October, the day after the DC10 closing party, in which doctors and nurses expect “thousands” of ravers on huge comedowns to be “bashing down the doors” in order to take part in assisted recovery.
“This illness comes in two forms; emotional and physical,” confirmed Patricia Lucas, an NHS nurse from Birmingham. “Emotionally, you might find yourself crying to pointless television, having zero interest in your job, constantly moaning that nothing will ever be as good as Ibiza or thinking you are in love with a person you only spent three hours with. Physically, you are likely to sweat a lot, suffer with a nagging headache and have nightmares for a few weeks. A recurring dream of falling is quite common too.”
“Having been to Ibiza over a dozen times myself, I have been earmarked to spearhead this campaign as I am a first-hand sufferer of Ibiza blues, or what we now call IB,” continued Patricia. “They are real and affect every area of a person’s life. The NHS will be there to provide those who attend the clinics with options. Victims of IB need to know they are not alone, and have a choice to fight through what we call the blue barrier. It usually takes four to six weeks to pass, before actual recovery can really begin.”
Wunderground spoke to Haydon Spring, a twenty one year old Ibiza first timer, who returned home to England last week, “Mate, when is it going to open? I’m desperate,” he told us. “I spent four nights out there and my head ain’t been right ever since. I went from Ushuaia to Space, to Bora Bora, to Pacha, to DC10, to Ocean and finished at Space. No sleep; best time ever. Now I feel like death. I’m an emotional sack of shit. I don’t know if I want to sleep, eat, wank, cry, sing, dance, die or go for a run. Somebody needs to help me ASAP.”
