A report published by the Jimpster School of Deep House claims that nobody left alive actually remembers what deep house is supposed to really sound like.
It has emerged that the original deep house sound, popularised by artists like Dennis Ferrer, Jimpster and Kerri Chandler, was lost to humanity around the end of 2013 when it was replaced by the new fangled not deep house-deep house.
“I woke up in a cold sweat last Monday morning with the thought that something wasn’t right with the world, specifically deep house,” claimed deep house DJ and neck tattoo sporter, Doug Breen. “I had a nagging feeling that it didn’t used to all sound like this, that there was a time when it wasn’t so commercial and laden with crossover potential.”
“I scrolled through beatport’s deep house section,” continued Doug, “hoping against hope that I’d find something of this original sound but there was nothing there, it was all tech-house cross over hits or Disclosure tracks labelled as deep house when in actual fact they’d more in common with garage or nu-disco.”
Others have reportedly experienced similar reaslisations but are unable to remember what it actually sounded like with many thinking “it’s now lost to humanity, like photos that aren’t of the person taking them, Windows 95 and decent ketamine.
“I’ve been racking my brain but now whenever I think of deep house I just think of Hot Creations, tracks that have still pics of hot women on their Youtube videos and clubnights that have ‘strictly’ in their name,” he added.
“It’s George Orwell all over again, we’re fed so much lies and misinformation that a formerly benign term like deep house is reappropriated by market forces to mean something else,” he concluded. “Now it’s just a nothing term that works only as a euphemism for a genre that is marketable, like EDM before it and dubstep.”
