Pop twerps One Direction today released a video of them “being totally cool and street” by smoking a joint in the back of an SUV while on tour in Peru.
In what the press are calling a contrived and obvious attempt at trying to shed the goody two shoes image that has won them millions of teen fans the world over, two members of the band, Zayn One Direction and Louis One Direction, were seen smoking a “joint” and using slang terms which it is believed they hope will ingratiate them with an older, edgier audience.
Just short of using gang signs and talking about how many chicks they’d banged and how their Dad could bash your Dad the “tattooed poster boy cunts”, seen here before drugs devastated their lives and propelled their careers, made repeated attempts to act hard and behaved throughout the video as if two lads in their twenties smoking a joint was “a big fucking deal”.
“They were dropping slang and innuendos like ‘po-po’ and ‘content’ in much the same way any two young men who have watched The Wire and smoke weed would do when their parents aren’t around,” claimed a source close to the band who says that he hopes the ‘risque’ content of the video will lead to intense speculation about whether the band will be granted access to the US for their upcoming tour, something which it is believed will “make the lads seem like modern day John Lennons when in fact they’re more like modern day The Monkees”.
The video is expected to shock absolutely nobody who has ever followed the careers of former pop star’s inevitable descent into drug fueled rebellion such as Robbie Williams, The Beatles, Justin Bieber and Britney Spears to name a few.
“It’s all a bit fucking tame and obvious,” said one commentator. “If they really wanted to be edgy then they’d have filmed themselves getting blown by Peruvian street walkers while throwing spikes of brown into their bleeding veins before kicking the cameraman to death and laughing.”
“That’d have been fucking edgy,” continued the same commentator who says he hopes that if the video does any good it’d have to break the band up so they can “fuck off back to mediocre pop obscurity”.
