Popular website BuzzFeed is apparently on the verge of total shut down after it emerged that they are running out of useless, inane bullshit to make lists about.
The claims made by a former employee of the company indicate that “there’s only so many pics of cats being cute or gifs of Jennifer Lawrence being awesome left in the world” and that “they’re not far off running out of other people’s content to share”.
It is suspected that the total collapse of BuzzFeed could have a massive impact on the lives of people around the world and will force them into “actually living their lives instead of taking quizzes to determine which type of girl they are” and may result in them spending “the hour each day they normally use to scroll through pictures of puppies or Kim Kardashian on something more productive like naming their genitals or counting the hairs on the back of their hands”.
Reports from BuzzFeed’s offices, where countless twenty-somethings make obvious lists about food, pop culture and what it’s like to be a twenty-something, indicate that while staff are scared they are also quite confident in their ability to spew out time wasting nonsense of no consequence for clicks.
A BuzzFeed spokesperson denied the claims and assured their audience of bored office workers, teenage girls and people who are sexually attracted to lists, that BuzzFeed isn’t running out of mindless, distracting crap and will “continue to waste valuable hours of your fleeting life with mind numbing clickbait”.
Shifting from one foot to the other and avoiding direct eye contact the BuzzFeed spokesperson assured fans of the site that they’ve “totally got, um, loads of really cool things to make lists about” and that they actually have “so many ideas for lists – that they’re in lists”.
“Don’t worry,” he continued. “Some of our best ideas for lists haven’t even been done yet…we’ve got some really exciting and cool lists and quizzes coming up like World’s Sexiest Wheelie Bins, 10 Lightbulb Changes You Won’t Believe and Judging By The Length Of Your Toenails Which City Should You Live In.”
“Even if we did run out of lists, which we won’t,” he concluded, “there’ll always be reams upon reams of creative content produced by other, more creative people on the internet that we will use like a magpie and display on our page for everyone to see. We might even get so many that we can start doing lists again. Not that we’re running out of lists.”